Until then I'll sleep... :]

Our Song Plays On...

2009-02-28T22:01:00.002+08:00

True :)

So.. after how many weeks, I post again :)
I guess no one reads this.. right? :))
So.. what shall I share?:)

it's 10:08 in my watch. A few more minutes and my phone will ring again :) Can't wait :) Iunno, you're making me get used to hearing your voice @-)
Sometimes.. there's doubt but then, iunno... i keep brushing it off. :|
Everything you say sounds so real.. it feels real too..
I guess that's why I dont question you at all. :)

I remember someone asking why it seemed like we're having so much fun.. I told him It's because we're great friends and nothing's gonna change that :)
Right? :) :">:">

frustrations

2008-11-04T22:53:00.003+08:00

punong puno ng mga frustrations and araw na ito.

ang daming nasayang.

ako nasaktan.

nabasura ang oras ko.

malapit nang mamatay research paper ko.

gehd.

di ko na ikekwento. ayoko nang maalala lahat ng masasakit na pangyayari :|

anyway,

Dear Bob,

nfaerfnfiourpqo38r9fuafjqp9u5qlkafn;airpq3ir~~

Of all people.

WHY THAT? :O:O:O

Don't even kid about it.

I know you have no idea but.. GOD. THAT totally a different story.

I know I have no right doing this pero hello, lingon ka ngaaaa

So, I wanna know.

Are you gonna tell me? :O

Bakit ganun? I get negative ones and THAT gets positive fun ones? :O

:(:((

Breaking my heart already?

How fast :|

<3,>coz I still like you,

2008-10-27T21:13:00.002+08:00

Dearest --
alam mo ba, wala kang sinasabi sa akin. alam ko na kung bakit ko [] yung sinabi ko sayo. kasi wala ka nang sinasabi sa akin. kung sinabi mo na pupunta ka sa [] nakasama sana ako. nakita sa kita. nagkwentuhan sana tayo. ano kayang nangyari? wala tayong masisisi. hindi ikaw. hindi ako. hindi ang []. maspinili mo sila. okay lang. sana naman kasi kinakausap mo ako. kahit sa [] deadma. sa labas ng [] deadma pa rin. ANO BA. putangina. naiinis ako sa mga ginagawa mo. sa ginagawa mo sa akin. sasabihin ko sayo pero di tayo naguusap. pano na yan? sorry, dito mo pa kailangang malaman.
<3, me

Nee, what do you want to happen now?
Have you noticed how you have been brushing me off?
I keep trying to connect to you but... you just seem like you dont want to.
TELL ME, WHAT DO YOU WANT.
There is nothing/no one to blame.
You can't escape anymore, there's nowhere to hide anymore.
It's so painful.
You think it's nothing. For you it's nothing because you dont know what's happening to me anymore.
Do you even care?

laugh today :)

2008-10-20T21:04:00.003+08:00

Well, I went to Cue today and HOMG. A lot of things were just too funny for my life;)

I'm getting back on track, can you tell? :p It's like I'm being second year again :p

Highlights of my day? :P
-getting lost --Mariel's house :))
-going to Cue --and a lot more of sub here :))

is that it? :))

Maybeeee :p

Dear Bob,

2008-10-18T18:58:00.002+08:00

I like you. I do. Really. I really do. :)) More than the other one :)) Do you know why Mlle. Gillenormand's favorite nephew is Theodule? Because she hardly saw him. Well, I like yoiu because we hardly talk but hey, we're quite close :>:> I'm glad you're really nice to me.
Oh guess what, I think I found my Dare Knight :>:>:>

Dear other HD :>

YOU AH :>:> I love how you're so clueless ;)

hisashiburi da ne?

2008-09-29T01:15:00.003+08:00

How long has it been since I talked to you and you on the phone? :)
I was amazed at how long we spent on the phone talking about nothing ;)
I haven't talked to the both of you for a really long time and I really really missed it <3>you called last Saturday and then you called me yesterday :)

I loved it. Totally loved it.

Know what? I realized how much I don't like school. I don't like school but I am there because of the friends I have and the stories I have to tell or hear.
Whatever.
Screw school. I just want to be around the people I love and those who love me ;)

Thanks for making me feel loved <3

ang araw na ito...

2008-08-30T18:45:00.002+08:00

Ngayong araw na ito, pumunta ako ng UST. Magsusubmit sana ako ng form para sa USTET ng kaso nung nalaman kong pangOctober 26 lang yung binibigay nilang testing date kanina, nagtanong ako kung pwede magpareschedule. Sabi nung dude dun sa reg, balik ka nalang after October 26 wow, di naman masyadong matagal yung hihintayin ko :))

Wala pang isang oras, umalis na ako ng UST. Masmahabng panahon pa ang inubos ko kakacommute papunta dun. Matapos ko sa UST, gusto ko sanang magsayang ng oras kasama ang mga kaibigan. Nagtext ako kung sinong game gumala ngayon pero walang nagreply. Ayos lang sana kung yung mga tinanungan ko'y di ko katext bago ako nagtanong kaso hindi eh, katext ko sila. Nalungkot tuloy ako. Napatanong ako sa sarili ko Ano ba yan, masyado na ba akong epal sa mga buhay nila't ayaw na nila akong makita? Siguro nga.

Walang may alam kung gaano ako kaparaoid nitong mga nakaraang araw. Walang may alam. Walang may alam sa mga nararamdaman ko. Hindi naman sa ayaw nilang manhind ang mga tao. Ayaw lang siguro nila malaman.

Nakakasawa din naman kasing makinig sa mga kwentong wala namang kinalaman sayo at wala ka ring mapupulot na aral. Nakakasawa ring maghana ng rason kung bakit ayaw mong makasama ang taong iyon sa partikular na araw na kinakailangan ka nya. Nakaririndi ring pakinggan ang mga pauli ulit na problemang ilang beses mo nang narinig. Nakakainis din ang mga panahong ibinibigay mo ang lahat sa kanya pero di nya makita kasi ayaw nya.

Nakapagtataka diba? Hindi ba? Ewan ko ba kung bakit ganito ang mga nilalaman ng isipan ko ngayon. Wala akong binabalak na patamaan. Sinundan ko lang ang daloy ng akking mga darili sa key board. Mabilis na isinulat ng aking mga darili ang nilalaman ng aking isipan sa aking blog pero... parang ayaw o ngunit... di ko mapigilan.

unusual firsts

2008-08-30T18:41:00.002+08:00

Today I had unsual firsts and so.. here they are :p

-first time to blog after 5 days :))
-first time to commute to UST LRT-kuliglig
-first time to ride a kuliglig [parang pedicab pero may motor. gamit nilang motor ay yung motor ng bangka]
-first time to get mad at both of my younger brothers at the same time :))

~

2008-08-25T00:30:00.002+08:00

LECHELECHELECHELECHELECHELECHE.

Si ________ ba ito?
Oo, bakit?
Kayo talaga.

What the fuck do you want to happen?
Wala nang mangyayari okay. Wag na nating pilitin.
Ayoko na ng gulo, ayaw na nya ng kaibigan, wala na tayong magagawa.

Minsan ba pinagsisihan ko? Madalas. Bakit hindi? Pero... bakit ko dapat pagsisihan? Meron ba dapat? Oo?
Ewan. Ewan na.

Gulong gulo na ang utak ko. Pinaghalong problema sa school, problema sa bahay, problema sa kaibigan, problema ng iba pinapasa sa akin. Mukha na ba akong tambakan ng problema? Ang dami dami nang nangyayari sa paligid ko pero di ko namamalayan dahil may sariling mundo na pala ako nang di ko nalalaman. Ano nga ba ang dapat kong gawin? Nawawala sa kabaliwan ang isipan kong minsan lang kung magamit. ANO NA? PUNYETA. Ang dami dami kong plinano pero WALA. Punyeta. WALA. Lagi akong binibigo. Lalo na ng aking mga magulang.Lahat ng pangako nila saki'y napapako. Natuto na akong umasa sa wala, umiyak ng tahimik, magreklamo ng pabiro, magtrabaho ng magisa, lumayo sa mga kaibigan.

LECHE. Walang wala na talaga ako.
Kung pwede lang sumunod kay Eeka, gagawin ko. Di ako magrereklamo. Gagawin ko ng nakangiti. Ayoko na, suko na ako sa punyetang buhay na ito. Pagsinabi kong Di ko ito kakailanganin pagkatapos ng AC., seryoso ako punyeta kaya maniwala kayo.

hello? hello?

2008-08-21T22:24:00.002+08:00

I checked up my old blog and I saw that I stopped my Kwentong Barbero series at 10. I want to continue but I just don't feel the flow just yet :|

Anyway, lately, I have been regretting being busy. For some reason, I keep losing people without me knowing it :(

Cause you were my sun, the moon
You were my everything and
Everything in my room seems to miss you
tIf I get tired of putting myself in harms way to find you
And forget for a moment
Our hidden memories still linger
Cause you're still in my room.

Like what I always say: Life knows no goodbyes. Life only gives time for the wounds to heal. No matter how twisted your logic of life, friendship and love is, it shouldn't affect the people around you in a negative way but sometimes, it just can't be helped.

AHCK. SCHOOL STRESS IS KILLING ME.

on a rainy day.

2008-08-20T20:41:00.003+08:00

This is me ranting. This is why someone hates me. I rant a lot, DAW.
Classes were suspended a while ago. Good? Maybe. I dunno.
I waited in school for 3 fucking hours. Why? coz:
-my sister didn't wan to call
-I called the house but they just put the phone down without answering my question :|
-I texted my dad and all he could reply was: Malapit na sila, traffic lang.

Real reason? my mother used the car. :| WHAT THE FUCK. Badtrip sobra.

The car FINALLY got there. I got in and listened to music. My mother was bitching at how I was bitching at her DAW. She didn't wait for 3 hours so yeah, that gives her EVERY right to bitch. She offered me food but I wasn't that hungry so I said Mamaya na. That gave her enough reason to bitch again. Thank God for the iPod and volume control @-) We got home, and I went straight to my room which was locked. I got really really mad banging the door. :| My kuya decided to sleep and lock the door. SMART. SMART. I went in and just dropped my stuff. :| Then she comes in, super concerned bout my brother who was sleeping and gave him the food I was supposed to eat. WHAT THE FUCK.

I told her, ayoko pumasok bukas, drained na brain ko. The bitching started again.

Thank you so much for hating me. It really helps. Thank you. You have ALL the right to bitch so I wont stop you. PUNYETA.

friends?

2008-08-18T21:44:00.001+08:00

Nakita kita kanina pero di mo ako pinansin.

ni isang tingin. wala. Salamat ah.

Nagsinungaling ka sa kin. wala ka man lang sinabi. ganito na ba tayo? Ganyanan ba ang gusto ko?
harapang bastusan ito. yan ba ang gusto mo? bastusan? PUTANGINA. Bakit mo ako ginaganito?

Ano ba, akala ko ba walang gaguhan. tingnan mo nga sarili mo. Akala ko kaya mo na. Isa ka rin pala sa kanila.Pinaasa mo lang ako sa wala. salamat ah. SALAMAT. leche.

Dearest Eeka,

2008-08-18T12:30:00.002+08:00

I know you won't be able to read this :|
I make this in your memory <3

Do you remember that time when you asked me "Should I walk home or wait really long for my fetcher?" I didn't take your question seriously and told you "Walk home nalang then tomorrow, tell me if you get raped:))" You laughed with me. Then, without me knowing, you were already walking home. The next day, you went up to me saying "I walked home yesterday and I didn't get raped. :)" I was shocked that you took me seriously. I thought it was stupid that you did because it's dangerous.

Years passed us by and we didn't really talk. We would say hi, hello, what's up? how are you? but nothing really with substance. During one of the Pinoy practices, I was talking with Patz and you took pictures of us. Do you remember?You looked happy and quite satisfied.

Last Saturday, on my way home, I heard the news about your death. I got mad at Mara. I thought she was kidding. Mara, are you shitting me? It's not funny. She told me that she was serious. I couldn't react. Shock took over me.

Eeka, do you still remember how much fun you had? I hope you don't regret anything. I'm sure you're up there watching over us. :) You'll be graduating with us, right?

Later, I'll see your face one last time. I'll feel your presence one last time.

naramdaman mo na ba...

2008-08-18T12:13:00.002+08:00

... ang hapdi dulot ng katotohanang matagal mo nang hindi hinaharap dahil ayaw mong masaktan?
Nung kelan lang ay naramdaman ko ang sakit na yun. Di ko matanggap. Di ko kinaya. Wala akong magawa kundi umiyak. Itago ang luha ko sa mundo dahil ayokong may makakita.

Anong nangyari sa tiwala ko sa aking sarili? NAWALA. Ayoko nang kunin yun ulit dahil lahat sila'y parepreho lang ang sinasabi. oo na, kahit masakit, tatawa nalang ako. ipapakita ko na kunwari di ako nasasaktan. Bakit? Kasi ayokong malaman nyo. :|

Natapos na ba talaga ang aking paghihinagpis? Naniniwala ba kayo lagay ko ngayon?

Minsan, hindi nakikita ng mata ang totoo.
Minsan, hindi natin nararamdaman, wala na pala siya.

...well?

2008-08-16T18:22:00.002+08:00

I hear you breath
You’re lying close to me
The shadows gone
I have found my peace

Oooh You make me calm
With you I’m safe from harm
And right by your side I’ll stay thru the night ‘til eternity
That’s the way it will be

And I wonder what you’re dreaming of
You’re so peaceful when you sleep
Everything I want everything I need is lying here in front of me

And if I ever lose my power to fly
Then your love takes me high
I’ll always be true to you
Sometimes I think I might lose it all
Guess the chances are small
Cause you hold me close I feel you near
Don’t let go say you’ll always be here
So just hold me tight and I’ll be fine
Dreaming you will always be mine

Just like the sun
You make me warm inside
Like a soft summer breeze
A moment to seize
So true I won’t stop loving you

And I wonder what you’re dreaming of
You’re so peaceful when you sleep
Everything I want everything I need is lying here in front of me

And if I ever lose my power to fly
Then your love takes me high
I’ll always be true to you
Sometimes I think I might lose it all
Guess the chances are small
Cause you hold me close I feel you near
Don’t let go say you’ll always be here
So just hold me tight and I’ll be fine
Dreaming you will always be mine

And I wonder what you’re dreaming of
You’re so peaceful when you sleep
Everything I want everything I need is lying here in front of me
And if I ever lose my power to fly
Then your love takes me high I’ll always be true to you
Sometimes I think I might lose it all
Guess the chances are small
Cause you hold me close I feel you near
Don’t let go say you’ll always be here
So just hold me tight and I’ll be fine
Dreaming you will always be mine

Always be mine - FT Island.

random adventure ;)

2008-08-16T06:33:00.000+08:00

I had a random adventure with sort of random people yesterday. Nikki and Carmy :>:> Our adventure went something like:

Ateneo-CCA-Starbucks-Kodak-Game Crab-Kodak-Ateneo-my house-Glorietta and then we parted ways in glorietta @-) :))

I'll tell the whole story in multiply when I post pictures ;)

//

Yesterday, I made a promise to AC. I'll definitely sleepover in her house. I'm sure I'll be keeping this one ;)

//

During vigil, i almost, almost, ALMOST... but I backed out last minute. PUNYETA :|

-wala-

2008-08-13T22:19:00.002+08:00

Lahat ng bagay na pinaghirapan ko ay nakita kong ibinasura sa aking harapan. :(
Sa klase, sa mga kaibigan, sa pagiging kapatid.
lahat ng iyon ay ibinasura sa harap ng aking mga mata. lahat.

Pero wala akong pake. Ayokong bigayang pansin ang mga malulungkot na pangyayari. Hindi pa ngayon ang taman panahon para malungkot dahil sa mga mumunting rason na iyan. :] Tama? May mga masasaya ding bagay na masdapat bigyang pansin dahil ito and naglalagay ng ngiting matagal na nawala sa aking mukha.

CUE. Ang saya. Sobra. Ako lang babae dun kanina. Masaya. Kaya nga masaya eh :)) charing ;) Masaya kasi sa sandaling umapak ka sa loob ng kwarto, nasa ibang mundo ka na. Isang mundo na punong puno ng mga tawanan, kaberdehan, kagaguhan, sigawan, kantahan, sayawan, kwentuhan at pagpaplano ng mga darating na inuman. Tama. Yan ang mundo ng Cue. Kahit na panget pa ang pagaawit namin, ayos lang kasi masaya. Masaya kunta kasama ang mga Lasalista. Berde nga talaga kulay nila. Pati utak nila berde. Bagay. Bagay :>:>

Mahabang kwentuhan ang mga pangyayari sa loob ng kwartong iyon pero sa loob ng dalawang oras, may mga bago na akong kaibigan at maami akong nalaman. :>:> Ang saya diba?:)) Sana ganito nalang ang mundo ko. Walang away, walang alaskahan. Mapayapang mundo na ngiti lamang ang nakikita ko sa aking mukha. Umiyak man ako, di ito dahil sa nasakatan ang aking mga emusyon, dahil ito sa kagaguhan nila at nasugatan ako. Yun ang gusto ko. :)

Kaya pala. Naramdaman ko kaso ayokong makigulo. Lagi nalang akong nakkiepal. Ngayon, di na ako eepal kasi yun ang kagustuhan nya. Napapansin mo ba? Lumingon ka naman. Maya maya, magisa ka na di mo pa napapansin dahil sa daloy ng iyong isipan. Ewan ko kung anong tornilyo ang nawawala sayo pero, tama na, anak. Ipahinga mo na ang iyong mga daliri. Isara mo na ang iyong isipan. Sumama ka nalang sa daloy ng mga pangyayari. Malay mo may mangyaring di inaasahan.

Minsan, kelangan ko lang talaga ilabas. Minsan hindi ko kaya. Minsan, walang paraan. Minsan. Minsan. Minsan.

Ang ngiting napawi sa aking mukha ay unti unti nang bumabalik. Ang sugat na dinulot ng mababaw na hidwaan ay matagal nang naghilom. Ang pagkakaibigang nasayang ay hanggang ngayon nasa basurahan pa rin.
Ito ang maling paraan ng pagkakaibigan pero wala tayong magagawa dahil sadyang mahirap intindihin ang mga tao ngayon.
AH. Si Batma ba ang hanap mo? Umalis sya sandali. Pinapasabi nya sayo 'ANO BA BULBULIN KA NA GANYAN KA PA UMASTA'

Minsan, sa bilis ng oras, di natin namamalayang matanda na tayo.

STRESS.

2008-08-11T22:06:00.001+08:00

Got my blog page sort of fixed. Yay <-P

Today, I learned something very important but it was meant for someone else.
The sweetest revenge is forgiveness.
Looks like I won. I won right? :))

MADM

2008-08-10T13:34:00.004+08:00

MELISSA ANN DUMATOL MUNDA.
This is for you so you better read it :)

3 years ago, I made a post about you on this same blog ;) みって！！

the phone rang. Missy. She always calls me, another way to waste time..long moments of silence on the phone.

Our conversation started with something that I shouldn't have known but it was an accident. Maybe a wake-up call for me to see reality between us. She said that my 'best friend' said I betray people.

Missy: "I told her ' I idolize Kaye, she's so happy..' and she told me. 'she betrays people'"

Me: "So what if I betray people?! I know why she said suck thing coz its like this. Isay, Bea, Mars, Ida, you, Pats, Kyna know more than what she does about what's happening to my life. I don't update her with my life anymore, I don't talk to her as much coz I've got my own friends and she's got her own and for that she feels betrayed by me."

Missy: "can you repeat what you said? laughter"

Kaye: "So what if I betray people?!...like she cares"

and the conversation went on..until we got to another topic. Debate. We debated over the phone and we had topics and I had stupid answers. We debated about 'censorship on gangster rap'. I lost. I had stupid answers. Then we went on to another topic which was something about being gay..I mean metrosexual. I think...yeah. I lost again. SO we had another topic..Death penalty on minors..I was pro and I lost coz I had nothing to say and again another topic. Legalizing prostitution, I was pro...I dunoo if I lost but I think I lost. I chose a topic. BEing bisexual..if its ok. I was pro and I won!!hahahahahahaha:D Then she gave me a topic to talk about for seven minutes. First: How can Kampanerang Kuba contribute to world peace? I made no sense at all so we changed topic. She said the topic but then she used words that I totally don't understand so she made it easier for me.

Do you remember Missy? Do you remember who said I betray people? I don't remember eh ;))

Tatlong tao sa araw ng Linggo :)

2008-08-10T11:06:00.002+08:00

Hindi mo ba napapansin?
Hindi mo ba naririnig?
Nakikita mo pa ba?

Andito lang ako. Nasa tabi mo.
Andito lang ako. Sinisigaw and pangalan mo.

Hindi mo na namalayang nasa kabilang dulo na pala ako ng mundo.

Wala akong angal.
Wala akong reklamo.
Gusto ko lang malaman mo na gusto ko mulig makita kang nakangiti sa tabi ko. :)

Wala akong pwedeng gawin dahil ayokong masaktan ka, mahirapan ka at balang araw makita kang umiiyak.
Umiiyak ka pero ayaw mong sabihin sa akin na ako ang may kasalanan.
Ayoko nun.

Di bale, maghihinttay naman ako eh :)

Apat na taon.
Apat na di malilimutang taon kasama ka.
Alam kong nagkaalitan tayo nung minsan dahil sa katangahan ko pero masaya akong ayos na angg lahat ngayon.
Di man naibalik sa dati ang samahan natin, ayos na ang ganito kesa sa di tayo nagkikibuan.
Masasabi kong isa kang tunay na kaibigan dahil ni minsan ay hindi mo ako iniwan sa ere para sa ibang tao, ni minsa'y di mo ako pinandirian dahil sa mga kaweirduahn ko, ni minsa'y di mo ako pinagkalat sa mundo ang masasamang bagay tungkol sa akin.
Salamat <3
Kasi isa kang tunay na kaibigan kaya mahal kita :x

Nararamdaman mo na diba?
Ako din.
Di bale, kaya natin ito :)
Lagi naman tayong ganito pero nakakayanan din natin pangibabawan ang mga pangyayaring ito:)
Sabi ko sayo dati, di kita iiwanan, seryoso yun.
Di kita iiwanan :)

STRESS.

2008-08-07T23:06:00.003+08:00

Whatever happened to the words class and project?:O

I'm so stressed :|
What to do?
I'm so busy that it brings me depression.
I'm going insane and there's no one to keep me sane anymore
Maybe I'm just feeling insecure and all but... I want us to stay connected but.. are you avoiding me?:|

HA. Anyway.

Today's dismissal was interesting :>:>
Bonding with Celine, Paola, Mills, Dana, AC, Billie and Betlog during dismissal ;)

One year.

2008-08-06T21:56:00.002+08:00

It's been a year since my last post here.
I think I'll start keeping this blog updated again.

On Aug 19, it'll be 7 months. 7 months of a mistake you over analyzed and now, you have decided.

How selfish of you.

Today, I was reminded by a friend about blogger. <3
Thank you ^_^

kwentong barbero 2

2007-08-08T17:59:00.000+08:00

Muli nating babalikan ang buhay ng Juan Dela Cruz na aking napagusapan na dati. Si Kaye Lavs.

Muling nalulungkot sya sa kasalukuyan dahil sa mga pangyayaring di nya alam kung bakit nangyayari un.. :| ang tanging nasa isip nya nagon ay: POTEK, ano ba yaaaan, bakit ganun?! bakit? bakit? bakiiiiit?? Litung lito, gulong gulo. wala naman syang magawa para maresolba ang prblema nyang di nya alam.

Ang problema kasi, hindi nya alam kung ano ang problema. kaya abalang abala sya sa kakaisip kung ano nga naman talaga ang problema nya sa buhay. biglang tuamwid sa isipan nya.. marami. NAPAKARAMI. pero di nya malutas ni isa sa mga problema nya dahil isa syang tanga..

Ang mga dapat nyang gawin ay di nya magawa :| Isa pang bumabagabag sa kanyang isipan ay ang isang tao na pwede nating tawagin na JULIO si Julio ay isang tao na medyo malapit kay Kaye Lavs. ayos ang samahan nila pero nahihirapan sya sa mga iniisip ng mga taong nasa paligid nila. may galit, ingiit, masaya at kung anu ano pa. anong magagawa ko eh sadyang ganun na talaga?

Ung mga problema ni Julio'y may kinalaman kay Kaye Lavs dahil hindi nya alam pero may kinalaman sya. Hirap na hirap na si kaye Lavs pero ang tanging magagawa nya'y sumulat. Kung di nama'y magpakalasing pero maspinili nyang magsulat dahil ayaw na nyang mabaliw.

~~

tenenenen. tenenenen

2007-06-10T11:09:00.000+08:00

ang sarap gumising sa malalaking patak ng ulan na isa isang tumatama sa bubing ng aking kwarto. mlakas man, ok lang ;)

sa nakaraang dalwang gabi, ang aking mga panaginip.. di ko maipaliwanag.
sa bawat pa naginip ay meron humahalik sa akin kung hindi naman, ako ang humahalik. bakit kaya ganun?

nung isang gabi, sa aking panaginip, isang lalaki ang humalik sa aking pisngi o_o kagabi naman, isang babae ang aking hinalikan. di ko maintidihan. ano na kaya ang ibig sabihin nito? :T

hirit. hirit.

2007-06-09T20:59:00.000+08:00

huling hirit na bago magpasukan! :) para sa kanila.

Tama, matagal pa kasi ung pasukan namin kaya marami pa akong panahon na aaksayahin :))

Diba dapat masaya tayo pag may taong magsstay sa bahay natin kahit na saglit lang dahil makakabonding natin itong tao na ito? well, ako, hindi. tama. Tumambay ang aking pinsan sa bahay namin ng mga mahigit isang linggo at sa mahigit na isang linggo na yun, wala akong naramdaman kundi galit at inis pero pilit ko itong tinago para hindi sumama ang loob nya at para di na ako dumagdag sa mga problema nya sa buhay ;)

Bakit ba ako inis na inis sa kanya? kasi isa syang baabe na ubod ng landi dahil nung lumipat sya sa isang pampublikong paaralan sa probinsya, malaking malaki na ang kanyang pinagbago. lalo syang lumandi at doon nya natutunan na lahat ng lalaking magkakagusto sa kanya ay pwede nya paglaruan. tama. paglaruan. naiinis ako sa mga kilos nya. bakit? kasi. PERIOD. basta kasi.

lahat ng kilos ko, akilangan nyang malaman. lahat ng sasabihin ko, kailangan nyang malaman. lahat ng messages ko, kailangan nyang mabasa. lahat ng tawag ko, kailangan nyang pakinggan. TANGINA naman o, nakakainis. kaya dito ko ito nilalagay kasi wala namang nagbabasa nito eh. kaya medyo kampante ako maglagay ng kung anu ano dito na wala sa iba kong mga blog dahil itong blog ang di binabasa ng mga taong sinusulatan ko ng entries. mababaw man pero kailangan para makaiwas ako sa gulo na ako din naman ang may gawa.

parang ang tanga ko eh nouh?

what if..

2007-05-31T14:25:00.000+08:00

What if I kiss you?

Bakit ganun?

lahat sila nawawala T____T

yehes, longer post next time :)

Di ko na kaya..

2007-05-21T23:48:00.000+08:00

Di ko kaya kasi tao lang ako.
Di ko kaay kasi mahina ang loob ko.
Di ko kaya kasi sawang sawa na ko.
Di ko kaya kasi di ko alam kung anong gagawin.
Tila isang basa na sisiw sa gitna ng bagyong malakas.

ano bang pinagsasabi ko?

ganito, aking ikekwento sa inyo. Mga bata, makinig ng maigi sa aking kwento at pumulot ng aral na mahalaga at magagamit nyo sa buhay balang araw :]

Inaway ng nakababata kong kapatid na lalaki and nanay ko. Pinalayas ng kapatid ko ang nanay ko sa bahay. Tama ba yun? tsktsk, kabataan talaga ngayon. Mababaw magisip. Di ko na alam kanina kung ano pa ang gagawin ko.. parang wala na talagang pagasa.

Isa pa, nagaway ang mga magulang ko sa isang mababaw na bagay lamang. Sa mga di nakakaalam, ang tatay ko, kung magalit sy tila wala nang bukas kung magmura. lahat na ng masasakit na salita ay mararanasan mo. Di ko kinaya tala ga kanina nung bigla nalang tumulo ang luha ng nanay ko sa mukha nya. Di ko alam kung anong gagawin, di ako makakilos dahil awang awa ako. Ramdam ko ang sakit na nararamdaman nya. Alam ko kung pano masaktan ng lubusan. Masakit. Sobra. Tuloy tuloy ang pagtulo ng luha nya pero wala pa rin akong magawa. Nagsisisi talaga sya na bumalik sya dito sa Pilipinas. Ano bang dapat na sinabi ko?

Wala akong nagawa hanggang sa tuluyan nang pumunta ang nanay ko sa harap ng computer at nagsimulang maghanap ng trabaho sa ibang bansa. Alam ko namang di kami gaanong magkalapit ng nanay ko at di ko na alam kung paano kasi parang nakakailang kung magiging malapit ako sa kanya. nasanay na kasi ako na di masyadong malapit sa nanay. Pero kanina talaga, parang tinutulak ako ilang beses na ako tinulak pero walang magawa ung katawan ko. Tuluyan na kong naging bato. Masakit para sa kin na nakikita ang nanay kong ganyan at wala akong magawa kundi tingnan sya, tumingin sa telebisyon at tumingin sa kanya ulit.

nagsisisi ako. pero tapos na.

heto pa ang isang problema. wala kaming tubig. naputulan kami. wala kaming natanggap na notice, bill o kahit ano mang pagpapramdam ng Manila Water sa amin. Bigla nalang pinutol ung tubig namin. Kadiri bang isispin?

Mahirap maging mahirap.

ayan, :)

naghahanap ka ba ng... :]

2007-05-17T18:13:00.000+08:00

makakausap?
--> ako din :) kahit na maraming pakalt kalat dyan sa tabi tabi, mahirap magahnap ng matinong kausap. Pero, bakit pa tayo maghahanap ng matinong kausap? isang tanong na di masagot sagot ng utak ko dahil abala ito sa paghahanap.
naghahanap.
naghahanap.
naghahanap.
ayoko na. wala naman akong mahanap.
tama yan, basta basta nalang ako bibigay tulad ng karamihan ng mga Pilipino. Ginagaya ko sila. Gusto kong matuto pero wala namang gustong magturo. Ayoko na din maghanap. Pagod na kasi ako eh. Mareklamo ba? tumingin ka muna sa salamin [kung wala kang salamin, pahihiramin kita :)]

baliw na kapatid?
--> ako meron. MARAMI. sabihin nyo lang kung gusto nyo makishare o kung gusto nyo inyo na :)) see, may kwento yan eh. nangyari lang touh VERY VERY recently. mga ilang minutes ago :)
Japs [my soulmate :))], finally went online. moment ko na un eh! kaso lang, kinailangan talagang makishare ng aking nagiisang magaling :-& na kuya. after two buzzes and one attempt of "gm" he went offline. OFFLINE OFFLINE!!
hayup yang Japs na yan, wala man lang sinabi! hahaha:)) Yuck, nagagalit. o_o well, ung online presence palang nya, ayus na! :)) --desperado--? :))

kaaway?
--> dyuskupowsantamaria! maraming makakaaway sa Asampsyon! bakit? kasi, punong puno ng mga bitch dun. Maraming klase nga lang sila: Jologs na bitch, Sosyal na bitch, Tahimik na bitch, Bitchna bitch, Pwedeng makick out bitch. Pwede rin kayo gumawa ng sarili nyo classifications basta ung akin, ito :) At isa sa mga pwede nyong makaaway na di kayo magsasawang awayin ay si FIJI a.k.a Guinea Pig. Yehes, masarap awayin yan! bakit? kasi isa syang puta. lahat ng utak nya napunta sa boobs nya kaya pwedeng pwede na sya pumasa sa POKPOK ACADEMY.
kaya sa mga kabatch ko, RAMBULAN NA ITO!! :D

isang dyosa?
--> puch naman o, naghahanap ka pa eh hello, andito lang naman ako! your one and only true loveseses!:)

sige, tama na. ilagay nyo sa comment kung ano ang hihinap nyo at maysulusyon ako! :) pwede na kong sumaydline as an information booth! [yehes, ako ung booth mismo!]

Step 1: Squint. Step 2: Squint harder.

2007-05-16T17:19:00.000+08:00

Mahirap din pala ang walang internet.

Dependent na ba ako masyado sa technology ngayon? masasabi kong oo

ilang araw na ang nakalipas at lahat ng nangyari ay ngayon ko palang mailalagay sa aking munting blog :)

~Monday
wala naman nangyari :)) Birthday pala ni Danj. Di ko alam. nakaligtaan ko :))
sumakay kaming magpinsan sa lrt papuntang Pureza at binilang namin kung ilan na nakasakay dun ang bumoto, nagpaloko, nagsayang ng boto at bumoto ng maayos :) Maramirami din sila. tsktsktsk, sana naman maayos ang kanilang pagboto :)

~Tuesday
Dahil wala nanaman kaming magawang matino as usual, naisipan naming magikot ikot :) Pumunta kaming Metro East at Sta. Lucia [no offense, wala kang magagwa dun]
Bumalik kaming Katipunan at pumuntang UP kung saan kami nakigamit ng banyo sa UPFI sosyal:)) Kahit papano naman nakakapunta akong UP kahit di ako dun nagaaral. It makes me feel smart somehow. UP kasi.
Pagkatapos ay bumalik kaming Katipunan at bumaba sa Mag:net cafe :) AYOS! :) Teana talaga ung "invisible painting" dun! di ko alam kung totoo un o hindi basta, hayup! :))
At bago kami umuwi, tumambay kami sa Xocolat. Mi Casa, Su Casa daw. Dun kaya ako matulog? :))

~Wednesday
Pumunta ako sa gym. Muling nagbabalik. bakit? tumaba ako ng 5 lbs. tsktsk.
Umuwi, problema o_o pero naayos ka na din. Naayos ko na ung computer eh :))

o_o

2007-05-13T04:14:00.000+08:00

Shux, ang aga ko gumising ngayon.

Aalis kasi nanay ko papuntang HongKong at ihahatid namin sya sa airpot o_O

Happy Mother's Day sa lahat ng nanay sa mundo! :)

Sila ang naghirap ng todo para mailabas tayo sa mundong ito :]

Mamaya na siguro ako maglalagay ng kung anu ano.

medyo inaantok pa ko eh :|

random? ewan :)

2007-05-11T23:13:00.000+08:00

May WW2 sa tyan ko ngayon. Pasensya na pero mali ang iniisip mo. Hindi ako natatae. Punong puno lang ng hangin ang tyan ko. Di ko alam kung bakit o_o

Iniwan ako ng dalawang tao sa araw na ito. Silang dalawa'y pumunta muna sa ibang bansa para matanggala ng pagod at makalimutan ang problema at makita ang ganda ng Pilipinas sa ibang bansa malabo ba? :)

Marami akong nakitang kakaiba ngayong araw na ito tulad nalang ng trak na punong puno ng mga taong natututlog sa likod. Parang ginawa silang mga babaoy na trinatransport papunta sa slaughter house at maya maya lang ay nasa Monterey na sila. Ganito na ba kahirap ang Pilipinas at ang mga tao'y sa truck natutulog? Tama ba gawin toh sa mga taong nagkakahahirap kumita ng dalawang daan sa loob ing labing dalawang oras? Nakakaawa tingnan. Wala akong magawa. Nakakainis na wala akong magawa. Di ko alam kung anong gagawin ko pero naiinis ako na wala akong magawa. Ang tanging kaya kong gawin ay magbigay ng AWA na di naman nila kailangan.

Hanggan ngayo'y may rebulusyon pa rin sa tyan ko.

Bakit ko ba pinapatuloy ang pagsulat dito eh konti lang naman nagbabasa?

Dahil siguro kailangan kong iligay sa kung saan man ang mga naiisip ko para kung sakasakaling kailanganin ko, mahahanap ko. Bakit dito napunta ng usapan?

Sino bang kausap ko?

ito'y isang malinaw na sigaw ng tulong sa isang babaeng binabaliw ng sarili nyang isipan.

~PERFECT!

2007-05-10T23:19:00.000+08:00

Perfect na ba touh?
oo

:) Well, not really that perfect pero close na :))

Pumunta ako sa bahay ni Mariel kanina, not knowing na a.c was also invited! pero ayos lang. :) Pagdating ni a.c, naligo kami sa pool.:))

manong: Kailangan nyo po magbayad.
me: Ano? Pero kuya, birhtday ko ngayon! (kuya left us)
manong: (coming back) Happy Birthday po! pasign nalang po dito :)
me: ay, kuya joke lang! :)) *scared*

ANYWAY, habang tumatambay kami sa swimming pool,there were some men from another building watching us swim. Eh ano ba namang gagawin ng tatlong gago? kumaway! Anyway, there was this hot Korean guy. [take note: KOREAN] He was teaching this kid how to swim and he was wearing his ladantaran :) yes, :)) Anyway, he looked lie Rui Hanazawa [from Hana Yori Dango] from an angle so a.c and mariel, thank you very much, decided to make me go ask him something. some questions we came up was:
-->can you tech me how to swim?
-->come here often?
-->do you live here?[this is the one we used]

So I went up to him and asked him if he lived there.
kaye: hey, uh, do you live here?
hot korean guy: yes :))
kaye: oh really? what floor?
hot korean guy: 29 why? *laughs*
kaye: oh nothing. :) *walks away*

then we left. :D BUT THEN, they wanted to know his name. Puta, naghanap nanaman ako ng tyamba. :P Kaye: Hey, what's your name?
hot korean guy: Rufi *which he repeated twice*
kaye: oh. *seeing his weirded out face* you look like this japanese actor we know. :) *walks away*

yep, we went up, showered, dried ourselves,ate pizzza[wag na natin pagusapan kung ilan nakain namin] then played Fatal Frame which is super scary! Then went back down to hangout in the playground. Also hoping to see Rufi again :)) We hung out near the bowling place where 3 korean guys were near us. :| then while walking back to the elevator and a.c was supposed to ask those koreans if they knew Rufi!!! :)) but then he was there! looking at us!! :">

syempre, kinailangan pa naming isigaw: RUFI! to confirm. :)) It was him.:D Then it started raining hard so we were gago enough to go dance slash play slash make tambay in the play ground all went in the rain. where we started practicing the excuses we would use:P

when we got to mariel's house, her parets were there :P yeah, can you just imagine? I can :D Then we started playing Fatal Frame again. Gabi na nga, mananakot pa kami ng ganun. Tinatakot ang sarili namin:P Then a.c got picked up and I took a cab going home.

now I'm sick and I hafta go with my mother tomorrow. the whole day :|

.

2007-05-09T17:09:00.000+08:00

Mga bandang kinalakihan ko. Mga bandang pinakinggan ko. Mga bandang pinanuod at pinangarap makausap minsan. Mga bandang naghiwahiwalay at bumuo ng bago.

Kahit na ang Rivermaya ay Rivermaya pa rin, nagbago ang kanilang musika sa bawat palit ng miyembro at bawat taon na lumipas.

Dahil wala na si Bamboo M. sa Rivermaya, nag iba na ang musika nila. lalong lalo na nung isa isang nagalisan ang iba pang mga miyembro nito. Ngayon na may sariling banda na si Bamboo, maikukumpara ba ang musika ng bandang ito sa bandang pinanggalingan?

--to be continued--

umaaraw, umuulan :)

2007-05-09T16:59:00.000+08:00

pumapatak nanaman ang ulan sa bubong ng bahay.

malalaki ang bawat patak. lahat sila'y naguunahan bumagsak sa bubong, sa lupa, sa tao. patak. patak. patak. patak. patak. mga patak na di mabilang sa dami. halos mabutas na ang bubong namin sa lakas ng ulan. rinig ang alingawngaw ng bawat patak sa loob ng banyo.

malakas ang sigw ng kulog sa bawat kidlat na dadaan. [sa mga hindi nakakaalam, kidlat=lightning kulog=thunder] nakakabingi. nakakatakot. malamig. sa pagitan ng bawat kulog at kidlat ay ulan. maraming ulan. marmaing, maraming ulan.

masmalakas pa ang pagbagsak ng ulan kesa sa volume ng t.v sa kwarto. lakasan man ang volme ay ganun pa rin. tila ayaw magpatalo ng ulan. ayaw. isang ulan na di matalotalo. hihina, lalakas, babagsak, titigil. babalik, lalakas, hihina, walang katapusan.

masarap matulog kasama ang kumot mong makapal, unan na malambot at kamang masarap higaan. Pano kung maging isa ka sa kanila? Walang kama, wlaang unan, walang kumot, walang bubong sa ibabaw ng kanilang ulo. lahat sila'y basang basa sa ulan. lahat ng laman nila'y nangangatog sa lamig. walang makakapgsindi ng yosi. ano?

anong gagawin mo kung malakas ang buhos ng ulan sa labas ng bahay mo, kumakanta ng Sunburn ang kuya mo at nakaupo ka lang sa harap ng computer mong nakaw? ako? maghahanap ako ng comportableng posisyon at sisimulan ang pagsulat ng walang katapusan at kamatayang laman ng isisp ko.

humihina na ang ula't lumalakas ng pagtugtog nya ng bass. ito na ba ang hudyat para tapusin ko ito?

nakakalungkot

2007-05-07T23:10:00.000+08:00

Feeling ko walang nagbabasa nito.

Maadvertise nga :)

Anyway, napapaisip lang nanaman ako :)

Nakakalungkot dahil nawawala ung charger ko. mababaw ba?

oo. sobrang mababaw para sayo. sa kanila at sa lahat ng taong di nakakaintindi.

Di alam ng marami kung gaano kahalag ang phone na un sa akin. Lahat ng memories sa isang taon na nakalipas sa buhay ko. Isa sa masasayang taon. Kasama ko un.

Ang labo, bakit ba ako nagkakaganito?

naghahahnap ng magagawa:)

2007-05-06T23:54:00.000+08:00

alam kong matagal na kong di nakakapagpost :) pasensya. ito, galing sa aking LJ at multiply, inihahahandog ko sa inyo ang:

Masasabi mo bang...

Masasabi mo abng makasarili ako kung inuuna ko ang sarili kong mga kailangan?

Masasabi mo bang tanga ako kung wala akong pakialam sa mundo?

Masasabi mo bang muka akong dugyot kahit na gusto ko naman talaga makatulong?

Wala kang dapat sabihin dahil lahat ng ginagawa ko'y para din naman makatulong ako pero di mo pinapansin. masyado kang busy sa buhay mo. Masmaganda na sigurogn manahimik ako. Ako, tahimik, hah, nakaktawa. Ang imposibleng pakinggan na tatahimik ang isang Kaye Lavin

Bakit nga ba ako nagkakaganito? Maraming maraming rason. Ayoko nang idamamy pa kayo sa mga problema ko sa buhay pero, oo, dahil nababasa nyo ito, nadamay na din kayo ng di namamalayan. Iniiisip nyo kung ano ang problema ko at bakit nagkakakganito ako. Wala akong mabibigay na diretsong sagot [lagi naman eh]

[break: 1 hour]

hanggang ngayon, ganun pa rin o_o

Ven you got it.,.

2006-07-05T19:55:00.000+08:00

The magic faded fast.,.,

but its coming back.,.,

Bestfriend lang ba tingin nya sa kin?! Shiyet.,., Tangina.,.,

"I tried and we tried pero devoted sya sa religion nya eh.,., Gusto namin na maging kami kaso hindi pwede eh.,.,"

And all I could say was :"You know, you don't have to stick to one person..,look around a couple more times and maybe you'll find who you're looking for"

It hurt-ed.,.,it made me want to cry but see, as everyone knows, It takes a gun for me to cry.

ta ta!

magic!

2006-07-02T12:45:00.000+08:00

Magic.,., what is it?

Its the ability to make someone happy withou doing anything.

Yes. Magic.

It wans't long ago that it happened.

Blame the empty house or the quiet atmosphere..there was magic.

It was just us.

At first it wasn't awkward at all. Nope, not alll. It was just us, the radio and kwentos.

Our kwentuhan went on for an hour or so..I realized I had to leave but I couldn't it was as if my ass was glued to that sofa.

Sitting beside him, who knows what can happen? He does.

Before I left it happened..I was weird at first but I liked it anyway, what it is I won't say. I'll leave it to your imagination.

I happened thrice. I dunno how but maybe I just couldn't say no.

We hugged after.

There was part ii of that it was more intense.

There's just SO much between us.

There's no commitment between us and I don't know why. maybe because..

TORPE sya. anyway, ok lang yun.

It was magic, the feeling, the deed, the person and everything.

huwaw

2005-10-26T22:03:00.000+08:00

*buntunghininga*This week's been kinda okai :D nothing really shocking :D You might think that I think to mcuh but I have been and even I don't knwo why. :D

Seems like I'm drifting away..again..but this time with another person =( Maybe I'm just distancing myself away from her/them. Maybe I just need more time to find myself and where I should place myself.

Lately, I always find myself thinking about random thoughts and I end up dwelling on these thoguhts for days..sometimes weeks. Grabeh..huwats happening to me?! Maybe it's a sign of insanity...aah..I get it. Insanity. Maybe one day, all the people I know would just wave at me and say "hi!" not because I'm famous..because I'm insane. But..seriously..I'm not.

During one computer period..I decided to sleep while listening to music since I'm done with the activity. When I woke up..I felt alone..right away. I wanted to go back to sleep but I just can't..grr. I'm awake na nga talaga. So..I was bored. I decided to just look around. I saw this group of people. I'm kinda close to them. I was just starring at them and a random thoguht entered my brain..(yes, I do have a brain) oh..they are so lucky that they have friends like their friends now.. and I've been dwelling on that.

I envy them. They are so lucky..grabeh :D Kasi I lost friends that were so close to me. sad nga eh. now I'm alone. kahit na I still say "hi" and "hello" to that friend.. I guess our closeness couldn't be like before. We hardly even hang out with each other. She's always with her friends and when I see her with her friends, I go look for other people. hindi naman ako nagpaparinig eh. just saying how I feel.

I thought nga na after..we would be back to normal and stuff but then I find it hard to be epal sa kanila kasi parang there's this awkward feeling between us. *sigh*
oh life.. My friend just got into a car crash. Good thing he is still alive. Grabeh.. no wonder. I've been texting and making kulit but the reply is always "please pray for (name) coz he is still weak from the accident" kala ko ginugood time lang ako.. it's true pala! hahahaha :D how smart am I?! VERY. XD

please pray for him nga pala. His situation is sort of critical. If he dies.. please donate money to me.. kahit na pang starbucks lang..joke :D pero..seryoso..pray for him ha :D

Anyways.. we had a rocked concert yesterday. This new band played. Is it Calla or Kala or Cala or Kalla? Basta. They're good :D WHen I heard their band name, the first thought that came into my mind is Callalily!! hott hott band! :D The vocalist is good! Phat is good! :D hahaha:D
oh..last friday :D oct 21.. I went to St. Scho for Centenial Rock I dunno what it is for but the bands who played were soo good!! 6cyclemind, Nerveline, Protein Shake, Imago, Sponge Cola, Hiraya and Dicta Liscence.. grabeh. I was supposed to be there alone with my cousin but then.. I saw Billie! yay! I wasn't alone at all. Grabeh. Lesbian capital=st. scho

6cyclemind rocks talaga!! They are just so cool! :D hehehehe:D In their new video "Sandalan", Kean was there! yeah! so hott!:D

Anyways.. ther is nothing really that's interesting. Maybe I've just been thinking a lot lately. as in super. :D

I haven't been talking to that friend nor texting that friend. I haven't been updated. Nagsasawa na ba ako? Maybe sa sobrang ayokong mawala siya sa akin, I'm distancing myself na.

what am I saying? (pare, gutom lang yan..)

2005-10-16T14:37:00.000+08:00

tagal na since the last time I posted here..hahaha:D anyways...

The week that just passed was sooo hectic...hhmmm.

Monday-KKK. barrista was cancelled..sadness. but I went to HRM and it was so much fun.yay!
Tuesday-classes[palanca-making and cramming day :D]
Wednesday-class encounter[no one really cried]
Thursday & Friday-retreat.

During the retreat I discovered that I am slightly incapable of crying. I tried hard and so did Mara. Maybe pretty people aren't meant for crying-labo :D Also I was put in Bethany..room mates with Giselle..I ate chips inside..she didn't want any. Palancas I received were better that last years and sweet too.

I also realized that the person I love isn't mine anymore...I don't own anyone but I used to think that that person was mine. When I found out that person's special friend it broke my heart coz I thought na friends lang sila..then best friends and now..somewhere nearing a relationship na. ouch talaga. no matter how much that person denies it, it is soooo halata.

But if you love some one you must learn how to let go. I wasn't even holding on to anything worth holding on to. But since I love that person so much, maybe I'll just support them and be happy for them.

..(untitled kunwari)...

2005-10-03T21:38:00.000+08:00

I feel so cold, feel so numb I'm having nightmares but I'm awake. Help me Lord, fight this loneliness take this pain away

that song.

When the light disappears and when nothing seems clear, You'll be safe here. From the shear weight of your doubts and fears, weary heart, You'll be safe here.

that song. I was once addicted to it. It got around and got popular so I didn't love it anymore.

wassup? nothing but the ceiling bhaybhie!!-my ever famous line. hahaha :D

Diba't sinabi mo sa akin dati na mahirap kumain ng tsokolateng natunaw at wala nang korte. Mahirap nang kainin mukha nang tae. ewan ko ba kung bakit mahirap ibalik, sa original na hugis pagnalusaw na sa init.

once again another song.
isa pa.

I am BEAUTIFUL.

It's bad to lie and that's the truth..hahahahaha :D

If things are slowly going back to normal and time is running fast, I consider myself lost in the midst of nowhere. Maybe somewhere where no one gives a khurr about me. that's olrayt.

I have been talking to Pats a lot.

It's so amazing how one's life can be so shocking coz she knows some one you know. common friends. Sometimes I'm overamazed but then...

I can't stop other people's feelings just to save my own right?

I am very very selfish. I don't like sharing--------------people..buyt I'm fine sharing food..hahahahahaha :D

so anyways..hahaha :D I just love Thea, Pats, Missy and Michelle S. they sit around me. It's so much fun see, no one takes some thing very very seriously..as in seryosong seryoso..life is fun when you screw up right? :D but then when you screw up too much it brings pain.

hahahaha:D

love me. I love me. (huwatta lie.) :D

competitions rock!!

2005-09-18T17:55:00.000+08:00

Century Culinary Meet contest was held yesterday!!

we won!!

3rd place!!!

we rock.

2005-09-11T16:43:00.000+08:00

I have a qoute:

"What the eyes cannot see, the heart can feel. And what the mind forgets, the heart always remebers."

I was reading the newspaper and I came across that. It's so beautiful.

I am jus so very happy!! haha :D I went to K.A.R.E last night.!! So kewl. haha :D I went with Mariel and Billie. And I was transpo. thanks for paying for my ticket Mariel!! It was such a coinsidence coz we were all in PINK hahaha :D Then the night before the event, I had a dream that I was a POVEDAN!! scayry!! Then it sort of came true coz when we got there, we were the first ones to arrive, they asked us if we were Povedans..(do we look like WE make ensaymadas?? lol.)
K.A.R.E is soo sugoy coz we were infront. The best. Imago rocked!! 6cyclemind was soo cool. I kept on making eye contact with the guitarist but he said nothing. The vocalist was kind:D

The best part, Callalilly. Its a new band. The vocalist is hott. We were infront. hahahahaha :D Then the vocalist was doing this funny guesture so I decided to copy him..hehehe. Then after that we were like.."lets take his picture!! picture!!" ..with all my confidence-kapal ko talaga!! I went up to him and asked for his picture..but then before I could talk he told me.."ikaw yung gumagaya sa 'kin! hahahaha" all I could say was.."hindi ah..hahahahahhahaha..lol." I was about to take his picture when he goes: "bakit ako lang? dapat pareho tayo!!" aaaaaaaaahhhhhh!! so cool!! hahahaha:D Then we-Mariel and I-kept on waiting for him againto get his autograph. hahahaha:D we are just so mababaw.

It was just soo fun.

anyways.

on to the sad part.

I know na, no need to hide it.

how low is that?? You people keep on acting as if its something very deep but really it's sooo

LOW!!

You haven't even asked my side. You know nothing. How dare you!!

God.

maybe it's psycological..

2005-09-09T17:18:00.000+08:00

Last day of exams yestersay...CELEBRATE!!

I hate Math.. The TE was ok but it sucked all my brain powers..hahahahahahaha :D what the hell?! hahahaha:D oh well.

I went out with Yuki, Michelle, Jani, Michelle and Patz. I was supposed to go out with sila Ina and group but then I considered fatcs and accepted it..so I just went out with sila Yuki. We went to Michelle's house. She has a dog. Trixie!! hahaha:D then we went to the mall. We laft our stuff in True Value..we had to talk to them pa. hahaha :D then we ate in Oliver's and while eating we were people watching. A LOT of AC-nistas. but then..oh well..its rockwell. We debated on what movie to watch..then to watch or not to watch a movie. It ended up as Michelle and Jani lang watching RED EYE. We waited for the time for them to watch and while doing so, we got a pic card..played in Power station and went to stores and try on clothes. Then the time came. They left us.

We, the people left went around and around. Then Patz went home na. Then Michelle went home na. Yuki and I went to Seatle's to wait for our sundo..then Yuki went na. I decided to go to Starbucks to forget all the sorrow. I was soo ALONE. SO there.. Then I decided to walk around para I won't be soo bored. And I did walk around.

While walking I saw Ina's group..with Boo. Ina and Boo(only) talked to me. I wanted to hang out with them so mcuh but then see, I have issues so I just told them that I was going home na. I lied. I waited for one hour pa in Seatle's.

I can't believe them..they didn't mind me!! What am I invisible?! What have I done ba?!?!?!?!

Since I was ALone..I started thinking. I was texting Missy and I told her what I rough day I'm having. She said she's gonna call me. I texted Ms. Nympha and told her my issues and what I feel. at some point she said:

is it possible that your paranoid? or maybe your the one distancing yourself from them? sometimes we don't notice but we creat situations to spice things up.

I didnt really understand it. Am I paranoid?? I can't be!! It's so obvious in their actions that they dont like me!! what the hell?! I don't know nga what I've done. I dont want them to go..or be out of my life but then they are causing me much too much pain and I cant take it anymore!!

I went home. Missy called. We talked about that issue. I started breaking down. I just can't beleive it!! Whenever I ask them if they are mad at me they say "no!! stop being paranoid!!!"

what the hell???

I just wanna die..I just wanna fade infront of all these problems. I just can't help it but cry because of them.

I am so sorry you guys.

I don't even think they know its them.

I have excluded myself from them and now I have mastered the aret of EPAL-ness. What to master next? Leeching. I wonder when I will forget them.

I just wanna fade.

fade..

fade

I haTe ever so muuch

2005-09-07T19:06:00.000+08:00

I hate my mom. She makes my life hard-ER

I'm sick. I can't breathe properly. I'm anemic. Doesn't seem like it does it?! Anyways..I still have no medicine.

I'm dying soon. gawd.

I haven't talked to any of my friends that were once so dear to me.

Everything just disappeared in just a snap.

I regret it being with them. They are hurting me. ouch. I can feel the hatred. The sense of awardness when I'm around them.

What have I done?? As far as I know..NOTHING.

Do I deserve this. How cynical can they get?? We haven't been minding eachother for such a long time. I haven't been hanging out with them. I am nearing mastering the art of alone-ness and epal-ness.

I can't believe that I forced myself to believe that they are my true friends. I was wrong. It's so hard to let go when you weren't even holding on to anything. How could they??

I guess you'll never know unless I tell you.. It's just gonna hurt both of us so nevermind.

2005-09-07T15:44:00.000+08:00

now that I'm next to you
no more dreamin' about tomorrow
forget the loneliness and sorrow
I've got to say
it's all because of you

and now that we're together, together
I wanna show you
my heart is oh so true
and all the love I have is especially for you

I have LSS.

I haven't been hanging out with them and it really hurts. I dunno what to do. They dont even seem to care. It's like I'm not important to them.

The usual hugs and jokes and long kwentuhans are now turned into normal hi's and hello's

I dunno what to do na. I've lost everything. I'm beeing a leech already but my leech-ness doesn't seem to take all my sorrow away.

I've been wondering if I really do deserve them..if they really saw me as a friend or as a toy to make them happy..that is soo sad.

2005-09-06T16:25:00.000+08:00

maybe I'm a little addicted
maybe I just can't get out of this
maybe it is just to soon to say.

free your mind
don't let me down
we'll find a way
to make it go away

Too much tests. Can't concentrate.

I've got a LJ account na.

I'll try my super best to update both as much as possible ;)

:monday, TE, sad :( :

2005-09-05T14:04:00.000+08:00

Today, TE.

Science was kinda easy...CLE, I totally guessed my answer in one question. I was so clueless :c

During recess I went down with sila Mariel M. Then I went with Ina to the college canteen- Thank you ever so much for making me libre!! We went back and stayed with Zia and the ever so niiice, Yuki. We reveiwed and stuff.

I told them a trivia.

Susie died last night did she die?

Them: Yeah

Me: no

Listen, Susie died last night, did she die?

Them: ..No??

Me: Yes

Then Zia goes:
A key can't die!!!

laughter.

huwaw!!

2005-09-03T13:26:00.000+08:00

Mars,

Thanks you ever so much for editing my blog

again..

You really do make me happy

hahahahahahahahah:D

Conversation between my brother from La Salle and I while watching Sponge's video, Gemini

Me: Siguro sa Ateneo yung theater ne yan. Atenista kasi sila eh.

Bro: Yeah. Ateneo nga yan.

Me: Pano mo nasabi?

Bro: Kasi blue ung kurtina nila.

Me: huwat?!?!?! bakit kami, blue ung kurtina namin..kayo ba kurtina nyo..anong kulay??

Bro: Green.

silence. Laughter.

whatta life.

I was texting Pats T. last night and we were talking about THE SONG. She didn't wanna sing it for me. sad.

I asked her to do me a favor. Save IBE's pics on a cd for me. SHe can't.

oh well...whatever.

:like what I said:

2005-09-02T21:00:00.000+08:00

" Forget the past and live your life"

-Mars.

She gave me advice and I accept it.

Maybe I need advice.

I need a therapist.

I need my friends but where are they?

gone.

I need my lost self.

I need time to find me.

Thanks Mars, you're of great help.

a reason for everything. riight.

2005-09-02T20:31:00.000+08:00

Paranoia

AGAIN

this time, its worse. I think I brought it to a higher level. This time there are more reasons to be paranoid about.

Is it true?

Friendship is at its best when you don't talk to each other, feel left out and other stuff like those?

I have given myself enough time to think about this. I've thought about this A LOT of times and yet no answer creeps into my mind.

Maybe paranoia s a choice. I've been making the wrong choice then.

I am a leech. I am epal.

I leech into anyone's barkada during lunch or recess. I make epal to all those people I see.

I haven't been hanging out with them eversince..I forgot..its been long enough to forget I guess.

I've been having lunch, reces and all my breaks ALONE.

Maybe it's a sign. Time for me to reflect.

I don't like what I'm going through. It's so freakin' hard.

Lately, I've been sad. I haven't been smiling exept for those moments that I see people who make me smile for no reson at all. For sure I still crack corknee jokes from time to time but then once I'm alone. Paranoia creeps in. I become emotionally unstable.

Its not that I'm affecting a lot of people with what's happening. Only that when I ask random questions, it annoys them. Brings me farther away from them.

I haven't been hanging out with my friends. I've been mastering alone-ness and how to be epal when you're sad.

Who cares anyway. No one. I don't even care. (how plastic can I get?)

I've been thinking too much I guess. No I'm not. I'm just saying how I feel and I don't feel good. These past few weeks I've been having a hard time breathing and that gives me the thought that I am dying.

I AM dying; emotionally. I've been torturing myself with these thoughts.

I'm killing myself. One day, I'm gonna look at the mirror and look for the old me.(too dramatic)

I love life. I love life's challenges because its what keeps me going.

Seems that E.E and IBE are out of the pic.. No they're not. Just that I haven't been seeing alot of them. MAYBE BECAUSE I'm too busy thinking inside the classroom.

When I die I wanna say sorry to my friends. I am the source of pain.

Say it. I'm paranoid. A lot of people hate me for that. It hurts. WHy can't people just say the truth? It hurts more when you become like me. Sucks to live a life like mine. Rocks to have friends and have a good time.

labo.

..think aGaiN..

2005-09-01T18:31:00.000+08:00

Friendship is at its best when you feel left out, casted away, out of pace or drifting away from them.

That's how I feel but no big deal about it. I consider myself lucky. Anyway..moving on to stories..

Tuesday and Wednesday sucked. I haven't seen E.E for 2 days, those 2 days but Wednesday
afternoon rocked.

Isay and I were hanging out the bench outside IV-4. IBE and some friends passed by. Going to the bathroom. When they came back IBE suddenly goes : "I sewed your skirt." I was staring at the ceiling and tried my best not to laugh. They left. Isay and I rushed to our class rooms and I just kept on laughing. oh Isay, how lucky.

Today.

I rushed up to the computer lab after getting the stuff that was detatched and I was supposed to return it. My project is way important. I rushed up then I looked for a comp. everything's full. shiyet! I used what Mariel used and so I was beside Pats. Suddenly Pats goes :"kaye si orig, kaye si orig!" I lifted up my head and to my surprise..whoa! Orig was there. Pats left, I waited for Jian. Orig went in. *fast forward* It was almost time-5 mins nalang-so I decided to go down na, with Jian. Orig rushed out the door before we could go out, first. Then we went out na. We were gonna go down and orig was going to the comp lab. I almost hit orig, buti nalang umiwas sya.

Dismissal time, I realized that I gave the wrong paper for my research in math. I went to Sr. Llanto. Buti nalang he understood.

While I was waiting, IBE came. I was leaning on the wall. IBE passed infront of me. Then some one stood infront of me, making the way narrow-er. IBE was gonna leave na and pag alis nya. IBE hit my skirt. By accident. How happy can happiness be?

Morning. Sci lab. I was having a hard time taking my LP folder out. I heard a voice. "kaye kaye.." me:"ha??" *looks around* "ha?" Ulan as beside me. "do you know who owns this?" me:"ha?"..*thinks, ang tagal kasi ng takbo ng utak ko* "ha?..oh yeah. thanks"

When all hopes are not hope-able anymore, dream big then die.

pAraNoia

2005-08-30T18:32:00.000+08:00

I try to say what I really want to but then as I open my mouth nothing but air comes out. Words start to form then I stutter. Maybe I can never say what I really want. I'm too scared.

I was getting paranoid coz of my last post. What I feared came true. She is mad at me..mad at what I did. I know that putting it on my online journal makes it worse because there are A LOT of chances for her to read it. And she did. It was so shockening how I found out that she found out because I forgot what I posted and it took me a while to remember..then I remembered.

You arent sorry.You tell my friend something that is complete wrong and now she's angry with me. When you do absolutely the same thing, obly it isnt a misunderstanding. it's right there. Where EVERYONE can see it. Just so you know, I didnt say You betrayed me. I said I FELT vetrayed. COMPLETELY different thing. Jeez.

That's what she told me. I was wrong. I knew that this'll happen and its my fault. How stupid can I get? very. I know that. I had too much emotions going on inside me that I just had to let it out. And I only had one source. how sad can that get? I relied on on source!! Whatever na. I've done it. I said sorry but then I don't know if she accepted it..or if she will ever accept it. I've been a source of pain and nothing else but that and I accept it.

I'm trying to think happy thoughts. Well, I didn't see E.E today..huwaw..how shockening. The only people I saw were IBE, Ulan, *snip snip*..its really sad.

I feel really bad. I'm getting those vibes again..people are mad at me.

Knowing the truth sucks ass. why does it have to hurt so much?

I've been thinking too much. Paranoia creeps in once again.

:[untitled 2]:

2005-08-29T11:35:00.000+08:00

..long weekends suck ass. Its boring, you find out stuff that you don't want to find out from people you treat differently from all of your other friends coz that person is non ther than..a "best friend."

I spent a lot of time just looking for that Filipino mathematician and yet NOTHING. SO i decided to slack off instead. After watching Pinoy BBig Brother the phone rang. Missy. She always calls me, another way to waste time..long moments of silence on the phone.

Our conversation started with something that I shouldn't have known but it was an accident. Maybe a wake-up call for me to see reality between us. She said that my 'best friend' said I betray people.

Missy: "I told her ' I idolize Kaye, she's so happy..' and she told me. 'she betrays people'"

Me: "So what if I betray people?! I know why she said suck thing coz its like this. Isay, Bea, Mars, Ida, you, Pats, Kyna know more than what she does about what's happening to my life. I don't update her with my life anymore, I don't talk to her as much coz I've got my own friends and she's got her own and for that she feels betrayed by me."

Missy: "can you repeat what you said? laughter"

Kaye: "So what if I betray people?!...like she cares"

and the conversation went on..until we got to another topic. Debate. We debated over the phone and we had topics and I had stupid answers. We debated about 'censorship on gangster rap'. I lost. I had stupid answers. Then we went on to another topic which was something about being gay..I mean metrosexual. I think...yeah. I lost again. SO we had another topic..Death penalty on minors..I was pro and I lost coz I had nothing to say and again another topic. Legalizing prostitution, I was pro...I dunoo if I lost but I think I lost. I chose a topic. BEing bisexual..if its ok. I was pro and I won!!hahahahahahaha:D Then she gave me a topic to talk about for seven minutes. First: How can Kampanerang Kuba contribute to world peace? I made no sense at all so we changed topic. She said the topic but then she used words that I totally don't understand so she made it easier for me.

Topic: Sponge Bob is gay

FOr the first 2 minutes all I said was "Sponge Bob is not gay" in different tones. Then I said, "sponge bob can't be gay coz he doesn't like guys. He's a cartoon...spare him!" long pause of silence to waste time. "seven minutes na ba?" "five minutes na" Then I said more non sense stuff and Missy just laughed. I can never make it into forensics..sure I can talk non stop but to talk non stop with sense is hard and I can't do that.

I went blog hopping yesterday. I went to my friends blog then I went to Raina's blog then I went to this fourth year girl's blog and she was talking about this concert. I wanna go..good bands are there. Then I went to Deneice's blog then I went back..then I ended up in Kats blog..that's so sad.

I used to have a livejournal account but then I deleted it. I don't know how to retrive it. oh well.

..drool..

2005-08-26T19:01:00.002+08:00

I have a rose. No, I have two roses. I wanna give it to someone very special. Since I have two that means two people.

Friday,I went to school in civilian since I didn't want to feel naked the whole morning..hahahaha! We had practices during the whole morning and free time as well. Presentations were during the afternoon.

I was so nervous. I had to be a matandang diwata na napaka panget infront of the whole highschool and some gradeshool-ers as well. People laughed but then..I think the dula mima is meant for entertainment which means making people laugh.

When I became Jian(that sounds wrong but i literally did) I rushed to the bathroom to wash off the make-up to get ready for the barkada scene..I was running. I went back and just in time for the barkada scene. So I did my thing but then Boo wasn't in sight..how bout my laugh?? So I asked Thea if I had to laugh pa ba and she nodded..medyo na-late yung laugh but it made people laugh, also the scene wherin I think. I makes people laugh. Anyways, after the presentation we had to get ready for BATE and so we all rushed in dressing up. While in the lobby of the MRA, I was outside the door...rubbing off my black improvied lipstick while staring at the door. To my surprise the door opened(MAGIC!) and it was E.E..eye contact. Then E.E went up stairs to the balcony..so I was left there shocked. Our dance was fun, period. We watched 4th year's PINTASAYAWIT..so kewl! I have no idea why IV-2 won best Pinta..I don't get their painting. I like IV-4's presentation and also IV-3. Iv-4's was soooooo cute! I like the socks part..ang cute talaga. The dance is very bouncy and the song is nice. IV-3's song is nice..also the dance but I still like IV-4 better..oh well.

This day is very nice..perfect na sana but then I can't go to that ateneo gig kasi I'm not allowed. But then its very nearing perfect na kasi I made eye contact with my idols.

..[untitled]..

2005-08-25T18:31:00.000+08:00

A normal day for me I guess. Lets start with my morning..uh..dismassal na. SO yeah. I was waiting for the bus to leave so I was outside with Mairel C. and Aubrey and we were watching people in the park train since we could see them in our veiw. I was kinda shocked when I saw..twin..hahaha! Ang weird ng takbo nya! Twin runs in a funny way..so yeah..kapatiran sis nya si Marie Jo, that's fun..I'm begining to have evil plans but..bwahahahahahah! joke lang. I'm good na..*cough*

It took ma such a long time to think about today and what happened today. ang hirap. oh well. whatever. Its our Pinoy presentation to the whole school tom and they said to come in costume.. DO THEY WANT ME TO FEEL NAKED AND COLD IN THE MORNING???????? So i have decided to wear jeans and shirt. hahahahaha! oh well.

"how's life..with out me?"

2005-08-24T18:49:00.000+08:00

Ang init. "smile as you realy are happy. Feel the happiness like its real. Hide the sorrow deep enough to forget it."

wala lang..just felt like making a qoute..is it malabo? oh well. I read Mars' blog and its about melting chocolates and change. I wonder how much I've change from being the real me to being KHAYE. I hate UTs..I think I'm gonna fail..huwatta a life.

Today wasn't exactly good. It was just the normal day. oh well..I still have kwento.

It was lunch..well a little after lunch time. I was trying to finish my drink so I was outside the classroom. I was standing by the door amd so were Bea and Boo. I was looking/staring at nothing then I saw Carla B. I was wonering who was with her-they seemed so happy and having fun. I just kept on staring then when they went down the stairs, shux! It's E.E I was frozen there for a lot of seconds then I looked at Bea and Bea looked at me in a weird way.."what? could you not look at me like that?" hahaha..then I went infront of the trash can to throw my trash. I found out later that same day..today. that they were late for Lit class..hard to believe but true. oh well..huwatever!

Mariel C. was making kwento to me. I listened. "Bea said that its so weird daw that everytime she goes to the classroom I'm not there" I know how weird that is, very..see coz maybe I'm the one who's there everytime she goes to the classroom and looks for her. I dont freeze that much anymore. Maybe I've learned how to control..but I still stare a lot. I'm so scared. huwat if she finds me creepy coz I stare at her? I'm beggining to be paranoid. Paranoia is not normal. What is normal anyway..I guess being normal depends on the person you talk to.

I saw the results of my personality test. The results were very nce but then my cheerfulness ias super high. We took that before we had club try outs-PEP. I was happy then. I wanna take it again, I wanna see if the results changed. I wonder what the issue has done to my state of being and way of thinking. I guess it made me a stronger person than I was and it ave me paranoia. Its not that I find it bad but the feeling is not good at all. I know I should stop feling this already but then see, I can't be that hyper freshie who is very friendly to some people. If I try to talk to them, maybe they'll start avoiding me saying "that's the bisexual freshie who likes her, she's so freaky." I've learned to live with the stares I get and the talks behind my back but what I can't stand is not making friends..with..yeah!!!!! I wanna curse but I don't want to.

tEsts...TesTS...shiyet!!!!!

2005-08-22T20:23:00.000+08:00

Monday. Firts period Sci lab...Ms. Sci lab teacher didn't choose any topic from our chosen topics(labo!) coz we didn't have a good one daw. :( So anyway.. Second sub. Sci Lab ulit but we took the lit. UT...words for the day, LECHE! we didn't discuss 3 of the words and Ms. was insisting that we did but then we didn't..garwsh. ANyways by the way highway...we had our Social Studies UT after math duing one period of CLE..after I answered the test I got so sleepy. I slept then I woke up-I had a feelin that I drooled. I looked at my paper and..-how shokening!!!!!!!! I did! I went to Ms. Bahrami and said " Ms, can I not give my questionnaire??...coz I drooled on it.." people(not all) laughed..how sad. I drooled..well..I think that's normal. During this morning Carla C. gave me THE CD containing pictures..oooh lala! The pictures are amazing! Heavenly! bwahahahaha! we had a general rehearsal for Pinoy and PE..I sucked during PE and Sir PE teacher was like "are you playing? do you want to perform pa ba?" nakakahiya! huwatta life I've got. Raina changed her hair..its straight!!!!!!!shokening! oh well..Then after the practice, Ms(UGH) went to me and told me that my movs were exaj and I just kept kwayet. I dont care about my moves..its MY moves anyways...garwsh..huwatta life. Its Kapatiran tom..scayry!!!!!!!!!!hahahahaha;p

..The feeding program today:D

2005-08-20T14:11:00.000+08:00

Fun but sucky. I was the only freshie there. I had no friend with me so..uh..I had to make friends. Sir JA was there, buti nalang...so I just talked to him then left him then talked to him. I made a friend. Her name is Sam from IV-4 we were wrapping spoons and forks together. It was fun because fourth year people were there and they are sooooooooooo kalog! hahahaha:D

what's the happenings?!:D

2005-08-18T18:31:00.000+08:00

...math was so weird..hahahaha!;p I feel bad for the enrichment people coz they don't get to experience what wwe experience-the regular people-with our beloved Mr. Llanto..hahaha!...;p well, stuff have been happening during our math classes and I feel kinda bad coz of it but I'm cool, I'm used to it na..I guess..oh well..whatever. During math, instead of having math, we had an open forum for our very beloved teacher. It was fine..nothing much to talk about..just weird..hahaha!;p

:Wednesday:

I went home late coz we had to finish our literature project..but then we didn't get to finish it talaga as in..tapos na tapos na..coz I dunno..;p Anyways..so I stayed late..not that late but late enough to have fun..hahaha:D I was watching this class practice their Pinoy presentation and it was so kewlers!..soo cute..hahha;D then Teresa came with her ever so beloved camera and I started taking beautiful pictures of 'beautiful' sights! hahahaha:D gets?!..huwatevah. Anyways.I was talking rto Ida but then she wasn't minding me..I was saying something about being famous but in tagalog. SIKAT. I was emphasizing on the 'CUT' so I kept on repeating it over and over and over..the I saw 'it' pass by behind me-shockening!-I just kept on laughing and laughing..LMAO! So then after that I went to the HEDCAF to eat, I ate popcorn!!wohoo! hahaha:D then while hanging out there, we were eating KITKAT!!hahahaha:D then we decided to make a lot of stuff with KITKAT then suddenly 'KIT' came..ang dami nyang binili na food! hindi sya gutom..GRABEH!hahahah;p so fun!:D anyways.

...everything is pretty normal, could you believe it?! normal na lahat!:D I thought this'll never happen but it just is!..:D

...tHE Prayer Vigil...

2005-08-15T14:25:00.000+08:00

I was sooooooo excited for the prayer vigil..i dunno why. oh well. so when I arrived I saw Miel firstr and I hung out with them for a while then Luisa was looking for people to volunteer for registration and I volunteered sin Raina wasn't there yet. WHile sitting down, I was with..I dunno how to spell her name..oh well..then Raina came and said hi to me then I gave the reply slip..registration is fun! hahahahahaha;p then I saw E.E and I was..whoa! shocked..;p then it was time for meeting na so I went to the Hed Caffetria for the orientation then I watched the Dance of the University with Mariel..Thea was sooo good! Good Job Thea! Then I partly watched it again then I left.. It was time to feed people! So I was an usherette...so I stood by the door saying: "Good Evening! Kindly clean as you go. Thank you!" whenever someone would go in..the I would say: "Thank you for coming! Enjoy your evening! Happy feast day!" whenever people go out. Then a lot of people came!hahahaha;p Meg came in..then she talked to me..she was looking for Raina but then Raina went somewhere else..and she was 'mad' coz Raina told her to go there for some help..hahhahha! Cuteness..so there..my evening was nearing perfect when my parents came to pick me up as early as 8 to ruin my evening and go home..how sad...I hate them sooo much..they always do that! oh well...

the lonliness felt but joy comes with it..

2005-08-14T12:10:00.000+08:00

Yesterday: the gimmick..

I woke up then I ate then I took a bath then I looked for clothes then I went on my way to rockwell. I had to pick up Michelle in San Lo coz she has no ride..oh well. Then when we got to rockwell, we went to Starbucks, our meeting place..we looked for people breaking chairs..*hint!*hahahahaha :D but they weren't there so I called Yuki; I asked where they were and they were in Power Bowl..LEAVERS!!!haahahaaahahahaha;p so we got there and I saw Boo!..yehey! Then they were playing billiards, Jian..was wearing this uber short skirt but oh well. Then Yuki, Thea, Michelle and I left..we wanted a pic card pero we were like: 'later nalnag with them'..'ok'. We went back..we went to power station to play- there was this very rude guy who cut in line right before Michelle..I was like: 'baka he's not pinoy kaya rude sya' I dared Michelle to ask if he was filipino and he wasn't!!yeah!! Then we got a picture card..hahaha! :D Then we wanted to watch a movie then suddenly seven people changed their minds and those people were us!(Kaye, Thea, Michelle, Yuki, Uranus-Jib, Porn Star-RC and 'guy who plays in public'-Bobby) We played in Power Station, Yuki and I danced!hahahaha;p Then we went to KFC coz the pretty guys were hungry..hahahaha;p When we got to KFC there were guys..jologs..and they were like"oi, chicks!" hahahaha! Then we ate food then went back up there..hahahaha:D We finished our card para wala nang laman..then the pretty guys went billiards-ing..hahahahaha! When we got there, Jib started acting funny..he was hiding..I feel bad for him. Oh well. So we kinda played and won(by cheating) then the guys that Jib was hiding from came and (sio)Paolo was there! hahahhha:D So Jib ran..and hid..how fun! Then we went out of the place then we got our pic card..then suddenly jib disappeared! gosh! hahhahahahaha:D Then we got our picture cards and looked for Jib, Jib texted Bobby that he was in Fully Booked so we went to Fully Booked but then he wasn't there coz he thought Fully Booked was still downstairs!hahahahaha:D the he texted Bobby aagain 'oops! wrong info..go to Levi's.' Bobby read it aloud and mispronounced Levi'S!!!!!!!hahahahaha:p funny! So we went there and saw him..then we went around..just not where those freaky people are..hahaha! Then we went to Beauty bar and since we were sooo bored I told Pornstar and Jib to wear Lipstick..and they did! hahahaha:D Pornstar had a hard time removing his lipstick kasi walang tissue..Jib has a pic of pornstar with Lipstick...bwahahahahahah! Then the movie was over..we were in the part of the mall where Nothing but water is..and Pornstar started trying on bikinis..but he said he was too fat that's why it can't fit..hahahahah:D We were to meet the people who watched the movie where we were..hahahah! While waiting.in front of Chocolate, Pornstar went in and tried to try on some clothes but then the girl was like.."ma'am may lalaki po sa loob..(ng dressing room)"..buti nalang Jib had a good excuse as to why Pornstar went in..hahahaha! So there..the couples went up while the gang i was with stayed down there..I went with the couples but then they suddenly disappeared so I looked for the gang and stayed with them..saly, michelle left..hahaha..then once again, Jib was missing..so we looked for him-again-then he was with the couples na...Jian was sooo mad..oh well. Then Thea was gonna go home na so I stayed with her..then all of the people went to Seatle's Best..when Thea left I texted Jian..and she was going home na..with Boo! I thought I was so alone so I was gonna go out na sana the door by Seatle's Best when sila Bob houted.."Kaye! Kaye!" hahahaha:D so I stayed with them..I saw sila Julia and Alex and others there..hahahahaha!;p So I stayed with the guys while waiting for my parents in Seatle's Best..hahahaha!;p Bobby likes Jian coz he thinks she's hot(as RC said) and Jian has a nice ass daw(RC said that too!) but I agreed that Jian has a tight ass..Bob agrees..I told them to treat me like a guy para di ako mailang..hahahaha! then Pornstar and Bobby left, together..so it was Bob, Jib and I nalang..and we just talked and exchanged digits..then eventually, Bob left..gosh. It was then Jib and I..we talked about Mars..why Mars..hahahaha:D then I told him to describe her in ONE word but then he used 4!! LOVE of MY LIFE..hahaha1 I also told Bob to describe Jian in one word and he said UNIQUE..yeah..then Jib decided to call Mars, but I talked to her..then I made them talk..so cute!hahahaahha:D Then I had to leave..how sad...

2005-08-09T18:09:00.000+08:00

I have been thinking thoughts and along the way of my thinking I concluded on some things and I thought on my conclusion and now, I'm left thinking over it again. I never thought a small stupid deed could lead to a serious issue and affect my way of thinking and my life so much that it had made such a drastic change for me..anyways..

*flash back*..wala akong maalala!..joke!..hahahaha;p

Early in the morning..I slept in the bus. I woke up and walked to the Assumpta Court. It was cold *brrr* then I was looking around and I saw E.E but then I was too sleepy to react or something I guess. So there, when I got to my classroom I realized that I was Head LIne for the day and Social Studies was 2nd sub in the morning and I was panicking then I thought, wag na nga lang, I'll tell sir na bukas nalang..I feel so sabog..I haven't had brakefast..I want chicken joy. * that was what I thought. So there, I was looking for Mars, Bea, Ida..then I lost myself. Umagang umaga palang sabog na sabog na ko. poor me. So there..Social na, wala akong Head nor Line..I told sir but then he was like "seems like there's a problem with your headline today. the person who is supposed to give the headline is not ready *everyone looks at me* I am not giving you another chance, I'm giving you a 0!" omg! you a**!!!! oh well, that's life. You win some, you lose a lot. so there, I was gonna o to the guidance during Science and I was excited coz I've been looking forward to this eversince Monday pa. So anyway..I went to the Guidance with Mars and Ida and they were supposed to go with me to the guidance and Bea...but then they were like: "I cannot afford to miss Science" so I was like.I'll go alone ok lang..then Mars wanted to come and she came with me. Anyways so we talked in the guidance and it was nice coz it made me realize a lot of things.. Anyways, I have kwento...

*flashback*

So recess, then I bought palabok in the canteen coz I was hungry then I was going back na then A LOT of people were passing by so I stopped.(nax ang polite ko!) The there was this head and I was kinda hiting it and I looked down *parang kilala ko ung owner ng head* then the head turned to look at me then I was sooo000ooo shocked it was *snipsnip!* so I ran to Isay, bea, Mars, Kyna, and Ida..hahahahahahahahah! yuck..un lang.

"Letting go shouldn't hurt when you are not even holding to something that exists"

"It hurts so much to see the person you love in some one elses arms and you know that, that some one doesn't deserve the person you love."

"Courage cannot be proven unless there is fear."

the weekend and today then friday

2005-08-08T18:37:00.000+08:00

Monday..

Today isn't very special..uhm... Its sort of the usual monday..but then..during homeroom..Meg gave us a talk..funfunfun! hahahahaha ;p...okidoki...

:Sunday:

I was sad about what happened during the soiree..and I was like..its ok..hahahahahahahahahhahahaha! labo-ness:D Anyways, I went to a wedding..my wedding-im preggy kasi eh..joke! so there..stupid wedding..I hate it when I go to weddings and I don't know anyone then I become alone then I start becoming weird..hahahahhahahahaha!

..Saturday..

Morning..I went to the feeding program..so there, I was in school, waiting for Mariel and Missy while drinking Starbucks. Then they arrived..I ate some of Missy's food(sorry I was hunger..hahahahahahaaahahahaha!) We decided to go to the kitchen and wait for Giselle there..while walking..in the gradeschool corridors..(i feel old) While walking..I saw this person sitting alone there infront of the kitchen, I wondered who it was..when I finally realized who it was, it was too late to go home..I had to keep it low..I tried very very hard to do so..It was E.E and when E.E saw me, inirapan nya ako..i think..and I felt bad..the whole feeding program session I tried my best to stay out of E.E's way..I don't know if I did..E.E left early..don't know why but it broke my heart..DRAMATIC!

After the feeding program I went to the mall to eat lunch..I ate pizza..fattening..hahahahahahaahahaaha ;p

The soiree..so I got to Ina's house na and I called Ida first to meet me outside, then I called Jian to meet me outside..and when I got there the Ateneans were outside..how weird..when I went in Ina's house everybody was like.."KAYE!!" I felt special..hahahahahahaha! Then people were like.why are we inside and the guys outside? So people went out and talked..I told them utterly corny jokes..I think they hate me..hahahahaha! We played basketball in the park with them..I played without sandalas..then I went back to Ina's house with Mars and Ida. After that more people came and all the people were outside Ina's house..then people left..sad..oh well :D Then after playing basketball, people decided to play 'truth or dare' and yeah..I got a dare and they dared me to reenact my Pep tryouts and I was like.."respect.." then elise..was dared..to say all the names of her crushes(including girls) she said *snip* KAT!!!!!!!!!..uhm...no comment..:-& so there..one more person came..an atenean..then we left for Starbucks..we walked going there in the rain..well..Mars, Ida and I were left behind coz we returned Ina's basketball..hahhhaha! oh well..some one there was just sooo bitchy.. When we arrived in starbucks we were like.."thank God!" oh well...then there...we again played truth or dare and it was fun-er..It was soo...cold..hahahahahahahaha! I had to leave early..oh well..Ateneans are fine pala... :D

niiiice..

2005-08-03T18:27:00.000+08:00

This day wasn't as important as last saturday...hahahaha!:D oh well.. I saw a lot of IBE and ULAN today and ULAN kept on saying hi to me..and Ida..whenever I see her..huwaw!:D hahahaha..anyway..CIC meeting is tomorrow na..hahah! love it!:D this is such a stupid entry..hahahahaha!;p I love myself..I'm so concieted..hahahaha!:D ok...

a sunny day!

2005-08-02T17:59:00.000+08:00

toDay..

Today was a very fun day..ok..lets start with the moment I arrive Assumpta Court...*flash back*(ang dramatic! hahahaha!)

I was gonna go up na sana kaso the gates weren't open yet..so I was like.."Ida, come with me.." Ida was like.."where?" I said.."To the kinder..I'm having my gala adjusted.."..Ida: "ok"..So we went there and the person I was looking for wasn't there yet..so I was like..ok...anyways..there..we went back..and the gates were open na..(Hallelujah!)I was gonna go up na..then I saw Ina and Ida..so I was like.."I'll wait for you" So there, I was down stairs..waiting for Ina and Ida..and IBe and E.E hahahahah! So there, I was there and I saw a person and the person had glasses and hair(malamang!) and I was like.."is that..E.E?" but then I saw the bag..and it was IBE!!!!!!hahahahahahahahahahaha..asteeg..magkamukha talaga sila! Then IBE went up..so, I was waiting for E.E downstairs and Ida was like.."maybe she went up na" but I sort of not listened then..I was looking around..and I saw E.E!!!!!hahahaha! sitting there sa bench..asteeg!:D So there, I was like..my normal self when I see them! hahahahahaha! then..INA(love you Ina!) was doing Ida's kumon..(bullying!) So, being the good girl that I am..*cough cough* I waited..but I was pressuring Ina so that sabay kami ni E.E umakyat ng stairs but then..hindi kinaya ng powers ni Ina so I waited..(stab..bleeding)..hahaha! so there..then..Recess..I was in I-1 making my list of songs..I was in "my little space" aka the space between I-1 and IV-4's locker..then I saw IBE! hahahahahaha!:D I was by the door of IV-4 writing and sila Isay were behind me..so I turned and asked: "give me more songs" then when I said that..IBE passed right infront of me..in the middle of us! I froze...hahahahaha!so there..hahahaha! happy!:DThen lunch..I was happily eating my Dewberry tarts then I heard my name..so I was like..*looks around* than I saw Ulan..hahaha! then ULAn talked to me..and I talked to ULAN..its so sad that ULAN can't go to the feeding program kasi ULAN has UPCAT in the morning..kahit naman afternoon..ULAN can't go parin...hahaha..ohwell..then Filipino..I was fooling around with Jian and tha fan..so we were playing..and I saw a person outside the classroom and I was like..*gasp* so I went to the door and IBE opened it..and I was like..*trying to have that.."what do you need" look on my face* went near IBE and sabi nya:"is MAriel C. here?" so I called Mariel C...hahahaha! happy ulit!:D I loved my day...this day..;p

for IDA

2005-08-02T17:50:00.000+08:00

to IDA...

I feel so bad for you..dor being the CAST-AWAY of the class..ang sarap mo kasi pagtripan eh..hahah! joke lang :D Ida and I met coz of Sponge Bob..I was waiting for my sundo and I had my discman and I was like.."hey! wanna listen? It's Sponge Bob!" and she listened..hahah! then..we didn't have a pretty friendship..during grade 6..but we became 'close' friends nung grade seven..I love making fun of her..she's the best! hahah! :D Anyways..I tell her stories and she knows a lot of things..that's why I cannot afford to lose her kasi if I do..what if the person who gets her asks questions bout me?...hahaha! concieted!...I love myself..ohwell..love you ida!

to BEA..concieted..yeah

2005-08-02T17:28:00.000+08:00

I'm making an entry for Bea...oh how I wish it's for the OTHER BEA...hahahahahaha:D she's concieted kasi eh..oh well..here it goes...

I only knew her like..grade 6...I dunno how...oh well...also..I knew her..sort of..last year lang...hahaha! oh well..then we talkes more often..yeah.. oh well..she's my penguin..hahha..Now, she's in SCBA and I feel bad coz I'm not..how sad...oh well..I love her name! BEA! wahahahaha! love you bea!

to MARS

2005-07-31T05:20:00.000+08:00

This is the very beautiful post I dedicate to Mars...(sana it won't be senseless..hahahaha!:D)

When I was in grade 5..then 6..I didn't know anyone named Mars..the only Mars I knew was the planet(there are 10 planets...2003ub13 is the 10th planet)..hehehehe;p Then in grade seven..I knew her na! I forgot how we knew each other...I think I have short term memory loss..hehehehehe;p then there..I became her friend. yeah...:D So, I have been her friend for a year..I guess..then there..she's fine. Also she's so much help to me..grabeh. I wanna thank her for editing my blog..saya! hehehehe;p also for understanding me when I am not myself..well..she's not alone in understanding me when I become some one else..yeah..they are like..a lot..labo..anyways..this is the very pretty entry for her..yeah..

"Is your name really Mars?"..."Is the planet Mars really named after you?"..hahahaha..so cute!..love her!:D

hAppy dhAys bACk agaIN!sings

2005-07-30T05:06:00.000+08:00

"Happy! shalala..It's so nice to be happy! shalala, Everybody should be happy!"..love ya'll!hehehhehehehehe:D I am so happy! Everything's cool na..(just wanna be coll with you again) hahahahaha..;p I am so glad..my week was so..a very suprising week..yeah. First, I got in the Volleyball club, then things are cool between us and yeah..hapiness it brings to me! So happy right now..exept for one fact that some one doesn't wanna give me something..but I'm fine with that; no problem...oh well..back to happy things..First, I volunteered for the feeding program and yeah..so yeah..I went to school for that and Mariel, Missy and Giselle were there with me..FUN! I passed by Starbucks before I went to school para masaya..hehehehehehehe:D While waiting there varsity people started coming in..sweeeeeeet! Then to my suprise..IBE! Mariel said hi to IBE and IBE smiled..suweeet..hhehehehehehe:D I'm loving this day..exept for the fact that is super hot! hahahahahahaha:D Then we decided to go to the kitchen because we were waiting for Giselle and she was ssooooooooo tagal..hahahahahaha:D When we went there we were like: "what are we supposed to do?" and we just stood there. Then ULAN arrived..hahahahahahahaha! ;p suhweeeeeet! Then we accompnied ULAN to borrow some trays na plates for the feeding program..hahahaha...aliw! Then the children were done na with the talk thingy so we played with them..they were so niiiiice! hehehehehehehehehehehe asteeg. Then there we-ULAN, Missy, Mariel, Giselle and I, were talking with ULAN while walking back to the kitchen..hehehehe;p There. Then we palyed with the children again..fed them..and played again we played basketball with O'Neal, Wallace, Boris and Richard..the are so good..they beat us and we are taller than them! hahahhahahaha;) then we decided to play Patentero-I am the captain of the Patentero varsity! hahahahahahahaha ;) joke lang-yeah, then we played Touchball- A.C-nistas against the children..hehehehehe;) I think they won against us..hehehehehehe:) some people were hitting the children so hard that the they got out of balance..hehehehe:D There was this really small kid and the ball was bigger than the kid..hahahahahahahaha!;p saya!=D Then Mr. PE teacher dude was also playing..hahahahahhahaha=) It was really fun..oh! Everytime that I saw ULAN, ULAN says HI to me..hehehehehehehehe;p nice! So, after a few games..or a lot ..hehehehehe..then we left na..hahahahhahaha:p But then before we left we went to the College Catf. so, yeah, and all the Varsity people were there..so when I was drinking water, I saw E.E hahahahahahahaha! suhweeeeeeeeeeet! masayang masaya talaga :D oh well..there..then I think i'll be going out later..now..the bad side is that I am so very bored, that's why I'm making this entry..hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahaha :D I like volunteering..kasi doon ko binubuhos ang aking energy..!hahahahahahahahaha:D oh! I also have good news! I got into CIC! so happy..when I saw the list and I didn't see my name I was soooooooo sad..then last Friday, Raina talked to me and said that I got in..they just forgot to put my name in the list...I guess..hahahaha..oh well..;p During clubs last Friday, I was taught how to digpass properly and I saw Mr. Llanto play! Volleyball is fun..hehehehehehe..really fun.

I am just so happy right now..because everything is cool na...hehehehehehehe:D

It's been bad..but good ;p

2005-07-27T17:53:00.000+08:00

LECHE!!!!!!!.........................Anyways..its been like a normal pero badtrip.. Morning..grabeh..ang INIT! oh well..and before that i was trying to 'hang out' outside the clsroom trying so hard to be normal..then some one was like..'ugh!! away!' joke lang...=) so yeah.. When I stepped down sa bus I was ok pa then I was walking, on my way to the Assumpta Court, to the class room but then when I was in the Assumpta Court I saw Carla in her PE shirt and in jeans..then I saw more people wearing jeans and shirt..I started being sad..yeah..So, I was going up stairs na then I lifted my head(again) and I saw IBE! I was shocked again..I did the expression again..parang automatic reation ko na yun when i see her..ugh..so yeah..there SLA nila so I didn't see IBE the WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLE day..which was very very sad. So I was kinda sad the whole day..but when I saw them back again..hahaha! Happiness!! hahahaha..un lang...yeah..I saw E.E too during the morning but I try so hard not really care..yeah..anyways...so dismissal na and I was outside joking with Ms., i was so mababaw..then I saw E.E..but I was too happy to mind E.E and I was trying not to mind E.E na din..then..hahahaha..I was so happy..joking with Ms., then IBE went out of the room..kasi we were infront of their classroom..kaya ganun..so yeah..there..so i said bye to ms., na..then sila Ida and Mars were in IV-3 so, yeah, I was happily skipping my way there and IBE was infront of me..while IBE was infront of me, pinage ung name nya..so yeah.. I froze and did the reaction right infront of IBE..AGAIN!!! Feeling ko talaga makita nya ako..ouch..I wanna fix that=p

====================================================================

anyways..I've been thinking..kung maghihintay pa ako para lang maging ready sya..kailan pa kaya ako makakapaghingi ng paumanhin?(huwaw! direstong Fil!) yeah..so anyways..It been really really long and wala pang nangyayari..minsan naiisip ko na wala na syang pakialam kasi E.E looks like that and I really wanna fix stuff na pero wala akong magawa dahil nga naiilang pa sya..pati din ako. *sigh*...as you people can see, I have links na..and I wanna thank Ina who really was so very patient in helping me and teaching me..also Mars for keeping me company..anyways...yeah...

...drool..uh..

2005-07-27T08:30:00.001+08:00

I have a new blog! wohoo!.. :D It'll take one month pa before my other blog is completely deleted..sharing ;p
I have kwento! hahahaha =D kasi kanina I was standing by the lockers then I was gonna go down na sana and I was gonna go behind 2 4th year people and then when I lifted my head..I was like..*does the expression* yeah..guess who I saw?! I saw IBE!! I think IBE saw me do that expression sa harap nya, coz I was right in front of IBE when I did that expression..I was so shocked kasi eh..hahaha...anyways...
It has been 2 weeks, this is the 3rd and yet..nothing's happening...I think that e.e will never forgive me..huwat if...being paranoid again...hahaha...=p I act kinda normal na when e.e's around..I don't do anything stupid na at times..well..I can't sort of stop it naman kasi eh..parang reaction ko na yun..parang automatic reaction na..hahahahaha :D*happy thoughts*
oh well..we had a mass kanina and it was kunda sucky..haha..oh well..yeah..during the mass..we were like the last ones to go out of the MRA, so this girl..Kata(or whatever..I don't know how to spell her name..anyways) was like fanning us. She was like "exchange gift tayo, I fan you guys and you keep quiet ok?!" hahahaha..I was laughing..hahahaha..she's kind..she's from IV-1!! :D hahahaha...she's gonna give me her name tag! Finally..if IV-4 people dont wanna give..I'll just ask from IV-1 instead..yuck! and weird ko...hahaha..sharing..*wink*

Until then I'll sleep... :]

Our Song Plays On...

frustrations

laugh today :)

Dear Bob,

hisashiburi da ne?

ang araw na ito...

unusual firsts

~

hello? hello?

on a rainy day.

friends?

Dearest Eeka,

naramdaman mo na ba...

...well?

random adventure ;)

-wala-

STRESS.

MADM

Tatlong tao sa araw ng Linggo :)

STRESS.

One year.

kwentong barbero 2

tenenenen. tenenenen

hirit. hirit.

what if..

Di ko na kaya..

naghahanap ka ba ng... :]

Step 1: Squint. Step 2: Squint harder.

o_o

random? ewan :)

~PERFECT!

.

umaaraw, umuulan :)

nakakalungkot

naghahahnap ng magagawa:)

Ven you got it.,.

magic!

huwaw

..(untitled kunwari)...

competitions rock!!

maybe it's psycological..

I haTe ever so muuch

:monday, TE, sad :( :

huwaw!!

:like what I said:

a reason for everything. riight.

..think aGaiN..

pAraNoia

:[untitled 2]:

..*drool*..

..[untitled]..

"how's life..with out me?"

tEsts...TesTS...shiyet!!!!!

..The feeding program today:D

what's the happenings?!:D

...tHE Prayer Vigil...

the lonliness felt but joy comes with it..

the weekend and today then friday

niiiice..

a sunny day!

for IDA

to BEA..concieted..yeah

to MARS

hAppy dhAys bACk agaIN!*sings*

It's been bad..but good ;p

...*drool*..uh..

..drool..

hAppy dhAys bACk agaIN!sings

...drool..uh..